Hi! Sorry I haven’t been keeping up on my posting.  Thought for sure I was going to have to get and stay clean this month.  I am beyond broke and refuse to take money out of my kids’ Christmas funds for dope!  But my dealer came through and said for every box of Sudafed (costs approx.  $10.00) I give him, he can get me at least 1/2 of dope (street value = $60-70.00).  Not a bad turnaround.  And I figure I could sell a couple of those halves at street value to pay for the cost of the product.  Just have to be careful because once you start buying boxes of Sudafed,  your name is automatically entered into a database via your driver’s license.  That is exactly what I do NOT need….to be watched in any way, shape or form!!

Well, I essentially quit talking to most of my ex as well as my current fuck buddies. I have been so lonely this past week because of it as well.  Even though I know they only want one thing from me, I still feel needed whenever they text/call me. 
The reason I quit talking to them??  Because I’ve gained at least 5 pounds and I cannot fuck a guy when I feel shitty about myself.  I just can’t do it. I worry too much about what they’re thinking about my fat body and I can’t enjoy it.   The reason I won’t date a man seriously…because I don’t feel that it would be fair to any decent man to fall for a meth addict. A junkie. A tweaker. A needle freak. Argh!!  So, I am ‘forever alone’ because I will never give up using meth forever.  

I got a half earlier tonight in exchange for a box that I took to my dealer.  And ohhhhh was it fire (really good dope)!!
I will be high off of that one rig for the next 2-3 days!!  Then he will get me more. Only problem is that I can’t buy another box yet, so I’ll have to con someone into getting me some ‘cold medicine ‘.
Beats tapping into the Christmas money and sure as fuck beats staying clean until next month!!!

I am so excited about Christmas shopping for my kids this year knowing that I have earned and saved every penny I am spending on them!  I don’t want anything except to watch the joy on their faces when they open their gifts!!  

On that note, I’m going to close and head back to online shopping for a couple more hours before work. 
Have a super-high day!!!

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