Thinking I’ve come to the tail end of a great run with my best friend, meth. My main guy got busted and is going to prison.   Tonight it took me 6 hours just to find one person who had any shit (out of over 10 that I called) and then I had to pay over 30% more than normal…AND wait another hour just to yet it.   Is it really fucking worth it anymore?
How sad is that?   I was shaking in anticipation of that loaded rig not even 4 hours ago.   I had been clean for almost a freaking week–and in my book, that’s a week too long!! 

I honestly thought about staying clean the past 3 days.  But then I weighed myself this morning and I had put on 5 pounds…what the fuck!!!  Then I thought how far into it I’ve gotten and I am so afraid that it’s going to take me going to a treatment center (if I don’t die first) to kick this. And let me tell you how I would do just about anything to avoid the shame of having anyone (parents, friends, co-workers) knowing that I use /still use.
I have a lot of pride and that’s usually where I get myself in a jam.

Oh well.  Not gonna ruin an awesome high today with downer thoughts!  More to come in the next few days to be sure 🙂

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