Crystalkillz's Blog

My journey fighting the demon


January 2013

1-18-2013 @ 06:16am

This morning is a pretty shittu one.  Barely halfway through the month, out of shit, and fucking broke.  What am I going to do??????????

I would rather die of a heart attack than be without meth.  I went to pick up a bit a couple days ago….got ripped off something terrible. Pissed as fuck and not one damn thing I can do about it. 

Now I have to figure out what I’m going to do for the next two weeks until I get paid again.  I was looking around for shit to sell last night. 

This fucks my entire budget up. Grrrrrr Fuck my life!!!

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1-13-2013 at 2:33am


My thumb. My nails have been eaten off by the meth and now my fingers and toes are turning black. Yuck!!!!

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1-12-2013 at 5:17am

Hi. I was so ready to quit this time. Made it almost 5 days. I went through 2 days of pure sleep. Then today I just couldn’t even function /focus /feel like myself. All I could think over and over and over again was how just a little bump of the shit would calm me down and take away all of my worries. I don’t even like people anymore unless I’m high. Not real high….just to maintain. I only did about a quarter (of a gram) tonight and that’ll last me until this afternoon/evening at least. That’s only $140.00/ week to maintain or $560.00/ month. I’m not too bad with it. I just need to keep a certain level to feel normal is all. If I’m careful with it….which is so hard.!!

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1-6-2013 at 7:13am

Good morning!! Or good 2nd, 3rd or 4th morning depending on where you’re at in your relapse …lol

And please don’t get offended when I make tweaker jokes. My only intention in keeping this Blog is to give others a true, accurate, and un-edited look into the life of a meth addict. I do this with the hope that they will realize what a sick, dark, twisted, and lonely road it is before it’s too late.
I get that the majority of people are like me and don’t think that meth will ever become a problem for them.
Or that they have better control over their willpower.

Let me show you the truth by the numbers:

There are over 25+ million meth addicts worldwide.
Of those 25+ million, over 5 million people in the United States alone are affected by meth.
That’s a whole lot of ‘weak’ people.
Or people that can’t ‘control’ their willpower.
Or people that can’t control themselves.
Or …whatever you want to blame the disease of addiction on.

The fact is, “in many communities, the demand for meth rehab far exceeds treatment capacity. In urban centers, such as Lost Angeles County, large numbers of hard-core addicts never make it into a program because the wait can take up to six months. In California, as many as 8,000 addicts are on waiting lists for a chance at one of 54,000 publicly funded treatment slots–nearly half of which are in Los Angeles County. Studies show that an untreated addict can cost taxpayers as much as $90,000 a year in welfare., medical care, law enforcement and losses resulting in crime, eclipsing the $21,000 annual cost for long-term residential treatment. Addicts who do not receive necessary rehabilitation usually continue using or promote themselves to selling or manufacturing drug. Many recovering meth addicts who relapse stand to lose a lot. It’s not uncommon for chronic meth users to become homeless, lose their families, go into bankruptcy, and wind up incarcerated. Depressed, filled with self-hatred, yet unable to quit using meth, many become suicidal. Even if they don’t act on the impulse to take their lives, the thoughts are devastating. Instead of getting treatment, the chronic meth user resorts to using more meth. It takes a lot of money to feed the insatiable need for meth. After whatever savings are gone, meth addicts turn to stealing from family and friends, then often graduate to theft from strangers’ homes and places of business, even to armed robbery. Yet the bottomless need for meth never ceases.”

Still think this is a drug that you’re strong enough to control?????

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1/3/2013 at 02:45am

So sick of getting high and not feeling good …’like I used to.’

And I fucking hate boys!

That’s it for now

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