February 1. The month of love.  And I have never felt more fucking alone!!!  I fucking hate my life.   I hate everything I have become.  I hate that I have become the woman /mother/ sister/ friend /daughter …. addicted to meth.  How weak is that?   I have always considered myself strong.  Not anymore.

This shit has got me in every way possible.  And it took me over 3 years to fucking realize how deep I am.  I still don’t think I fully grasp it …everything that it controls …everything I have lost…fucked up….fucked over.  Lost chances and opportunities.

As I banged 1/2 tonight I found myself thinking, ‘Why do I need to be/is it  possible to be any higher?’  Not feeling anything …except chest pain.

To be continued …

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