February 1. The month of love. And I have never felt more fucking alone!!! I fucking hate my life. I hate everything I have become. I hate that I have become the woman /mother/ sister/ friend /daughter …. addicted to meth. How weak is that? I have always considered myself strong. Not anymore.
This shit has got me in every way possible. And it took me over 3 years to fucking realize how deep I am. I still don’t think I fully grasp it …everything that it controls …everything I have lost…fucked up….fucked over. Lost chances and opportunities.
As I banged 1/2 tonight I found myself thinking, ‘Why do I need to be/is it possible to be any higher?’ Not feeling anything …except chest pain.
To be continued …
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