Crystalkillz's Blog

My journey fighting the demon


March 2014




Sitting here on the couch while everyone else in the house is fast asleep.  Just took another bump of meth although I can’t feel possibly feel any higher at this point.

Not even sure why I use anymore.

…maybe it’s because I will do just about anything to avoid coming down, the crash;
…maybe it’s because I can’t face the debilitating depression that takes over my mind and body when I think of all I’d have to face and can’t possibly imagine having to face without the monster by my side; I’m positive the depression will kill me before the meth;
…maybe it’s to avoid the regret I feel when I look back over the decisions and choices I’ve made on my most recent high …or any high in the past 4 1/2 years for that matter
…maybe it’s to avoid people. All people. And having to learn to live all over again without meth’s help;
…or maybe it’s because I can’t stand the judgmental stares and knowing whispers of former ‘friends/loved ones’; ‘You know she’s a junkie/a meth head/a drug addict. It’s no wonder her husband left her.’

Guess what all of you…
…who used to call yourself my friends;
…who used to trust me with your children when you’d send them over to play with my children;
…who used to look up to me as I served on our elementary school PTO;
…who revered me as a woman of God and accepted me as one of their own;
…who praised and encouraged me as I began a MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) group in our church;
…who proclaimed how ‘lucky their children were’ whenever it was my turn to serve in the church nursery or teach Sunday school;
….who thought I was nothing short of miraculous as I volunteered countless hours to several local non-profit organizations every week while continuing to be a loving wife & stay-at-home mother to our children for many years;
…who constantly raved about my ability to manage everything while still finding time to cook 3+ meals a day, entertain once or twice a month, hold weekly bible studies in our home – complete with a spotless home and made-from-scratch goodies;
…who were shocked at the lack of fuss/complaint I put up in regards to the amount of time my husband at the time was required to travel for work – (I added it up one year – he traveled overseas 250 days of the 365 days that year alone!) Which meant 2/3 of that year, and almost ever other year we were married, I managed all of the above tasks/duties/obligations/ and privileges without him being physically present. And yes, I’ll be the first to admit the high level of income that he earned afforded us many luxuries, none of which I ever complained of;

THERE ISN’T A SINGLE JUDGEMENT, NOR HARSH WORD NOR NEGATIVE thought that anyone could EVER say or even think about me that would or could come close to the condemnation that I have for and pour down onto myself weekly… daily… hourly…minute after slow-ass-minute.


The 3 Relationship Skills You Need to Practice | Psychology Today

The 3 Relationship Skills You Need to Practice
By Guy Winch, Ph.D.
January 16, 2014 – 9:56am

Looking back over my 20 years as a couples therapist, and considering the many other couples I’ve encountered in my personal life, I realize that the happiest and most satisfied of them exhibited three specific relationship skills. Don’t be disheartened if you and/or your partner are not great at these skills. They rarely come pre-installed; they need to be learned and practiced:
1. Empathy
Empathy refers to being able to step into another person’s shoes and understand their experience and point of view so that you can gain an appreciation of how they feel, and then step out again. Of course, you also have to be able to convey your insights to that person accurately for them to benefit from your efforts at understanding. Most couples struggle with empathy for a simple and, well, stupid reason: They believe that because they’ve been in the relationship for a long time they “just know” what the other person is thinking or feeling. Of course, countless studies demonstrate the faultiness of that assumption—we’re simply not very good mind-readers, even of our spouses. Our assumptions are almost always biased or just off the mark.Empathy requires a Jedi mind trick of sorts: You have to close your eyes and literally imagine being the other person. You have to get a sense of their perspective, their reality, their priorities, their expectations, their assumptions, and their concerns. Only then should you introduce the current pressing situation into the scene and imagine how the other person perceives the situation and how they might feel about it.Empathy is a crucial relationship skill in and of itself, but it is also related to the next essential relationship skill. . .

2. Emotional Validation
When your spouse or partner is angry or upset with you, the last thing you might think to do is fan the flames by telling them they have every right to feel the way they do. But when you convey that exact message-from a place of sympathy and understanding- something magical happens. Rather than inciting their sadness or fury or fueling their fire, your message of emotional validation can actually douse the flame. Why does this paradoxical result occur?Emotional validation is something we all seek and crave, typically far more than we realize. When we are upset, angry, frustrated, disappointed or hurt, the thing we want most is for our partner to “get it,” to understand why we feel the way we do.  We want them to validate our feelings by conveying their understanding to us with a generous dollop of sympathy. When they do so accurately—which requires employing empathy—the relief and catharsis we experience is tremendous. We can then attain an authentic visceral “release” and begin to let go some of the feelings we’ve built up. Taking a leap of faith and conveying emotional validation to your partner, especially in the midst of an argument, can actually calm things down and allow warmer feelings to return.Emotional validation and empathy are hugely important relationship skills in and of themselves. They are augmented by the third essential relationship skill on our list…

3. Consideration and Civility
Couples consistently underestimate the impact small gestures of consideration can have on the tone and dynamics of their relationship. I’ve seen time and again how leaving a nice card, bringing flowers, allowing the other person to sleep in, preparing a favorite meal, offering a kind word or an affectionate hug, or introducing a soft and loving tone, can quickly put a stop to a tense and negative dynamic and return the relationship to a positive communication track. Obviously, flowers or a hug cannot undo every hurt. But when things get tense, civility, good will, and consideration are too often replaced by tension, impatience, and negativity. One person treats the other poorly, which makes that partner feel less considerate as well—and on and on the vicious cycle goes. But breaking out of this negative cycle requires only two or three gestures of good will and consideration, and your partner is likely to begin to respond in kind—provided you also practice empathy and emotional validation.
These three relationship skills go hand in hand. Together they form a foundation of caring, trust, and connection to which couples can more easily return when they find themselves in times of stress, tension, or emotional distance. Of course, for couples to benefit from these skills, they should make an effort to practice them, get better at them, and integrate them into their daily thinking and communication.







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