I’m just not sure how to feel. Sometimes I can’t let myself feel the despair of the situation, even though it takes everything I have to do so. And sometimes, I feel nothing. I like feeling nothing. It makes it easier to deal with. All of the emotions are still raw at this point. The betrayal of it all is still very much on my mind. “How? How did this happen?” I think that at least 10 times a day. My husband, my best friend, has a drug problem. After years of him knowing my childhood, knowing what killed you, knowing addiction is abundant in his family, he started popping pills. How could he be so careless?
Sometimes I find myself thinking mean thoughts about him. I’m not a mean person, but these thoughts are borderline hateful. I think of ending my marriage and finding a more stable…
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