I’ve got ANOTHER new bf now. Plus I love my job and so on.  I’ve been trying to figure out why I’m not happy/why I feel as though there’s something missing in my life??

I dealt with the last breakup, which happened 8 months ago, by going on a ‘sleeping spree’. I have been with 7 different guys in the past 7 months.  And I FINALLY decided I am done with the nsa (no strings attached) and (fwb) friends with benefits bullshit.

I decided I am going to be patient and not actively look for just anybody to take away the loneliness anymore. 

And just fucking somebody never does take it away for longer than the hour or two we spend in bed together.

And I almost always end up feeling even more lonely afterwards.

I constantly wonder why I can’t find the ‘one’.  I am not even worried about all the crap I used to – the amount of money he made, the kind of things he owned, how hot he was, and so on.

All I want is someone to share the rest of my life with. I truly miss the companionship you share and having someone to come home to; someone to talk to about your day that has a vested interest in you and the ‘us’.

I was just as lonely when I was using.  The difference then was #1 – the meth took away any hurt and any feelings I may have had to feel, and #2 – when you’re a user, you almost always have a friend or two along for the ride. I never cared if they were only there to try and get a free bump, I only cared that someone was there. 

On to the here and now…I have a boyfriend that I met in August and we have been seeing each other seriously for about 1 month now. The nice thing about us is that we grew up together and were friends before we ever thought of dating each other.  I feel as though he isn’t just ‘playing me’ and that he and I have been looking for the same things in our lives for far too long.  I really hope it continues and I am happy we’re not rushing anything. 

That’s all for now. I am still struggling with the ‘what’s missing in my life’ aspect right now and will have to do some more thinking.

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