Crystalkillz's Blog

My journey fighting the demon

I am an addict in everything

Dia Linn sister

I am addicted to alcohol.  I am addicted to drugs.  I am addicted to work.  I am addicted to my family.  I am addicted to Candy Crush.  I am also addicted to the NFL.  I was a cheerleader for an NFL team.  It was love.  I am addicted to Fantasy Football.  I am now realizing I am addicted to The Draft.  The past few days have been crazy….  I watch all NFL draft shows.  I read all stats.  I feel like it is Christmas Eve.  I am a female and I put gron men to shame with my knowledge.  I don’t play fantasy for fun.  I play to win….  I am worse than Cameron Diaz in Any Given Sunday.  I know I won’t sleep tonight with the draft staring tomorrow.  This is the one addiction I am not willing to give up…..  I am crossing my fingers Manziel will go…

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I had to become certified in Reasonable Suspicion (drug and alcohol) for my job. It involves taking a 2 hour,  3 part test which is supposed to train you in how to identify an employee that may be intoxicated or high.

I felt like such a loser taking the test while I was high. Then I spent the rest of the day paranoid as fuck, thinking my co-workers that were also trained in it would be able to tell I was high now.

I feel like I passed the tests through life experience…not by reading the material provided. But, how in the hell am I suppose to go about accusing an employee of being high when I always am????

I need to lose weight!!!

I started using again.  Why?  Because I am getting too fat. I’ve gone from 135lbs. to 155lbs. I know, eat healthier and exercise, right? Not so easy though.  As a recovering meth addict, my metabolism got so fucked up,  it’s darn near impossible to lose weight.  I have tried and tried.  So, I resort to what has always worked.  A couple of weeks and I’ll be down 20lbs.  Then I can go off the shit again.  Win,  win….RIGHT????

is it really back to square one?


After 98 days free from using crystal meth, I “made” the decision to use once again. This time, there doesn’t really seem like there was a reason for using.  Usually there is a source of anger, or resentment, or unhappiness before I use.  That didn’t happen to me. So I am left with an abundance of thoughts and feelings – the usual suspects – regret, despair, anger, frustration, disgust. The shame and embarrassment I feel when I see my friends and family because they all know when I use.  It’s so obvious. I feel terrible.

But now what do I do with all of these feelings?

If I was an active member of NA my sobriety clock would be set back to zero days and I’d feel ashamed and stay sick.  Most of my original recovery skills taught to my in rehab are all based on the AA/NA program and…

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Shared from WordPress

Liquid meth bust a first-of-its-kind for Austin police –

Crystal meth is here

The Southern

By Shaun Garrity—

Everyday Stanley says he rolls up his sleeve and injects himself with a liquid form of crystal meth.

The middle-aged Windsorite has been using the illegal drug since 1999 and agreed to do an interview because he wants to warn others about the dangers. The Methamphetamine, also known as crystal meth can keep an addict awake for days, with little as $40 worth of product.

Crystal meth began increasing in popularity on Windsor streets two years ago according to police.


WINDSOR, Ont. (01/10/14 – Sgt. Matthew D’Asti explains to the media Oct.14 that crystal meth is apparent and Windsor Police are not taking the narcotic lightly because the dangers that tie to the deadly stimulant.(Photo by Shaun Garrity), Media Convergence

In the 1990s, Stanley owned a car and did well for himself learning a skilled trade working with cement. It is 15 years since he first experimented…

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Thoughts while working

Trying to work and maintain a job while using meth isn’t easy.  I sit at a computer 7+ hours a day with my back towards 8 other people in my department. As I sit there my brain is racing from using, my leg constantly wants to shake, my eyes glaze over every so often from being so high that I can’t even see the computer screen a foot away, and all I can think about is how many more seconds/minutes/HOURS until I can get home and bang another rig of meth?

I am also positive one or more of my co-workers is watching me. They’re watching me because they know I’m high.  I am also convinced several times throughout my workdays that co-workers are whispering about me. I sit there EVERY day, trying not to look like the meth head that I am and every 5 or 10 minutes I’ll whip around in my chair, convinced I’ll catch whoever is staring at me or whispering about me behind my back. How messed up is it that I spend 70% of my day trying to catch people who most likely aren’t even looking/whispering or even care about what I may or may not be doing???? 

Our department supervisor has an office in front of all our cubicles. Whenever a co-worker happens to go in to talk to her, I am once again convinced it’s to tell her that I’m using drugs and she needs to send me for a drug test. 

Woman Arrested For Crystal Meth Wears Worst Shirt Ever For Her Mug Shot! [PIC]


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