I am 98% sure that today is the day I will die from a methamphetamine overdose. I have been using since Sunday. Today is Thursday and I haven’t gone to bed….since Saturday night. In the past 4+ days I have eaten a total of MAYBE 500 calories. I only urinated once today. My entire body aches and has new bruises everytime I look. I am so paranoid when anyone is near me that I barely make it through the days at work.
Why the fuck then is, after all the shit I just wrote, the ONLY thing I can think about is putting that needle in my arm again??????
TWISTED, SICK, DEMENTED, EVIL DRUG!!!
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I thought I was gonna die last night!? Ha!! My heart can’t even keep up this morning. I feel so horrible. My body hurts EVERYWHERE
Really?? All of this so I don’t get fat?!?!? And for what? No man in my life and I hate my job!
I don’t know what to do at this point other than to HOPE that i do die and that it’s quick and painless. Only problem with that is, I DON’T WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON’T WANT THIS ‘SHIT’ TO WIN! I LOVE MY KIDS AND WANT TO BE HERE TO SEE THEM GRADUATE, GET MARRIED, AND HAVE FAMILIES OF THEIR OWN!!
I WANT TO KNOW GOD AGAIN AND I WANT GLORIFY HIM, NOT THE ENEMY!!!
How do I end this destructive, hopeless circle I keep running?
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Hi! I have been a crystal meth user for 3 years. September of 2009 was the first time I ever tried it. Within 6 months, I was banging it (shooting it into my veins with a needle ). I had smoked it the first 6 months, however once you get the feeling from shooting up, there is NOTHING that compares! Absolutely no better feeling on this earth!!
My bio:
I am a divorced, middle-aged, educated, employed female. I have a 4 year bachelor of science degree in business administration and graduated Magna Cum Laude.
I have a career and keep my addiction as well-hidden as possible. I have been divorced for 2 years.
My usage: My average daily usage of meth at this date in time is 1/2 -1g (gram) a day. At my worst I was using approximately $500.00 worth every two days. Where I live, 1 g (gram) costs $120.00 and an 8-ball (approx 3.5 grams ) costs anywhere from $250.00-$400.00.
I have children. I no longer have custody.
I have a very loving and supportive family (mother, father, siblings, friends ). My parents have a loving marriage of 40+ years and have never used drugs.
What I hope to accomplish with this blog:
1) I Hope it serves as a memory /diary /some sort of explanation to my children when the day comes that I have died of a drug overdose.
2) I hope to keep even one person from ever using this nasty, horribly addictive drug.
I am 99.99% sure that I will die using this drug. I love ‘ice’ ( meth ) more than ANYTHING else in my life. Hands down, no doubt about it.
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